Home Visit.... Check!

It was nowhere near as scary as I had imagined it would be... we made it through our home visit today with no problems or catastrophes. In fact, I thought it went really well! Our social worker came and we showed her our house, we signed more forms and answered more questions, and we went through the massive foster parent checklist. (Technically we will be foster parents until the adoption is finalized, so we have to meet the states requirements for foster parents as well.)

Here we are with our social worker:

Here she is filling out some forms with Andy (there were seriously a dozen more forms... we have to total well over 100 by now!):

And this is what Kenai did while we were working... he chewed on his bone, and PASSED GAS.  Yep, you heard me correctly... Every once in a while we'd get a whiff of nasty dog gas, which was actually kind of funny. We'd be talking about something serious and then get a whiff... and we'd laugh. It'll make for an interesting memory!

We made it!  Now, we wait for the home study document and paperwork to be completed (on our social worker's end) and then that will go to our placement agency for review. I wondered how on earth we'd ever get to this point in the process, but we did it! Our social worker is officially recommending us for placement!

Home Visit Tomorrow!

Before we started the adoption process, I remembering hearing about the 'home visit' during an adoption process and cringing... How could anyone go through that?  What would it feel like to be under a microscope like that? et cetera and so forth... Well, tomorrow is that day for us -- the day our social worker will come to our home and check things out -- the very day I dreaded way before we even started the adoption process.  Now that it's here?  Of course I have a few nerves and I'm hoping it goes smoothly, but it actually hasn't been as intimidating as I thought it would be. Now... tomorrow morning I may change my mind on this, of course!! But tonight, I'm not actually that nervous. (Now that I've hidden all the dead bodies we usually keep in our closets!)

I'm hoping that the size of our Christmas tree in some way indicates just how awesomely ready our home is for a baby... because it's huge!  And we're ready!!  Bring on the home visit!!

We will keep you posted!

The Last Christmas?

Each Christmas since 2006, there's been a question in my head... Is this it?  Will this be the last Christmas we share without a baby? Now, many Christmas seasons have passed and each year comes with the thought in my head that maybe by the time the next Christmas rolls around, we will have a baby to get to share it with... As the Christmases have come and gone without a baby, our journey to parenthood has had its twists and turns -- but this year, this time, when I ask myself the question, I'm daring to let myself think a different answer than I have before...  will this be the last Christmas?

Timeline Update

Hurry up.......... and wait. We understand that better than ever! When we started the home study process, we knew it would take several months. After the meetings and interviews and home visit are complete, our social worker will write "the home study" which is the document that states we have gone through the legal and educational requirements, and that we are fit to be adoptive parents. This document is what we've been working toward this whole time -- it's basically the culmination of months of hard work and one of the biggest -- maybe THE biggest -- hurdles to get through in this process.  Once the home study document is completed, we can officially become 'active' at our placement agency and our profile will be shown to birthparents.

In the back of my mind, I was hoping that everything with the home study process would be completed and we could be active with our placement agency by Christmas time. However, we've experienced some delays beyond our immediate control and we now know that will not be possible. Andy and I have stayed on top of things, but not everyone on our team feels compelled to move things right along with quite the same spirit that Andy and I do. Clearly our team members have other clients and other responsibilities and we totally get that -- but as in most team sports, we can only go as quickly as our slowest team members go, so..... we're being very patient. Such is life, right?  So here's an updated timeline:

• Three meetings with our social worker will happen in December, including our actual home visit on December 21st
• Once those are complete, our social worker will work on completing the Home Study document -- we are told this could take up to a month to complete (so hopefully mid-late January?)
• Once the home study document is complete, then our placement agency will review it and we will become active

So... here's to hoping we'll be active by the end of January!!!  Keep your fingers crossed for us.... we're ready!!

Putting Together Our Profile

We have been hard at work, putting together our profile for our placement agency. I know I mentioned we were working on this in a post a month ago, and it's true... we're still working on it! This is definitely a SLOW process!

Profile Part One: The photos. We are getting together 50+ pictures that show us, and what we do. We have categories that we have to fill (couple together, husband doing hobbies, wife doing hobbies, family and friends, etc) and we have to write fun captions for each of them.  That's the part we're working on now -- it's not as easy as it sounds! I've included just a few of the photos we're including throughout this post.

Profile Part Two: The words. We have to write an introduction that is supposed to 'catch the interest' of birthparents (50-75 words) and make them want to read more about us (What, can't they tell from our pictures how AWESOME we are!?!?). We have to write about our families (150-250 words), and also about our home & neighborhood (150-250 words). We have to choose six other topics, and write between 100-250 words for those as well. Some of the choices are: What does it mean to be parents?  What qualities do you love and admire in each other? What makes you unique? What are your strengths as individuals? What takes priority in your life? What made you who you are today? What will you tell the child about his/her adoption? and lots more...

The hardest one is the "Dear Birthparent" letter. This is 500-700 words, where we get a chance to speak from our heart, and try to explain to someone who we are and give them a reason to want US to be the people they choose to parent their child. That is no simple task, seriously...  but I wrote about that in a previous post, so I won't bore you with that again.  Just know that it's something we are putting a lot of thought into, and hopefully it will "speak" to the right birthparents.

And last but not least, there is the part that seems simple, the "Favorites" section -- which actually hasn't been that simple at all! Who knew picking a favorite movie could be so complicated!! But we're getting there... we plan to submit our profile by the end of the week, at which point our placement agency will put together a print profile (almost like a brochure about us) and an online profile as well. This will be so exciting to see!!  Hopefully we look like the kind of people who would be good parents...!!

Getting Educated

As part of our home study process, we are required to complete certain education requirements by the state of Wisconsin. I think that each home study agency may have their own way of getting their families complete the requirements -- some require meetings, some require seminars, etc. For our agency, we have a group meeting (coming up soon!), and we watch DVDs and read, read, read. 

We received a binder and a DVD set... we have questions that we have to answer after watching and reading. It feels like being a student! We sat down and watched the first DVD this weekend, and I wish I could say we absolutely loved it... but let's just say that we both took a nap after the first one was done.  Even Andy, who never, ever naps!! The content itself wasn't all that bad, but the delivery was hard to get through. Picture being in a church and the pastor/priest is very, very, VERY animated and every...... single....... word........ is........ enunciated........... and.............. IMPORTANT.......... and LOUD!!  I think I might start talking to my classes that way. They'd love it, I'm sure!

So, one DVD down... three to go. 

There are many, many articles, too -- they cover a range of topics and I'm sure they're just as exciting as the DVDs!! But we'll be working our way through them over the next week or so, and then we'll have to cover them at our home meeting with our social worker.

Each thing that gets checked off the list is another step closer to being parents!!

A Look at Our Process

So we've let you know what we're working on, but we'd like to give you an idea of what the whole process will probably look like for us, from start to finish (gosh, we love that thought!).  That one part -- for us -- is especially important because the adoption process can be very different for different people and we can only speak to how this process is for us.

Big steps we've completed:

• We chose an agency to facilitate our adoption - this is our placement agency
• We chose a local agency to complete our home study  
• We completed the adoption planning questionnaire and consulted with our adoptive family specialist
• We completed all home study paperwork, including background checks and getting references

Big steps still in-progress:

• Our home study social worker will be meeting with us for interviews and a home visit, and we'll be completing 18 hours of educational requirements
• We are working on our adoptive family profile to show to birthparents
• Once our adoptive family profile is complete, we will begin working on a video profile that will also be shown to birthparents... this is a unique tool that our agency uses, so we're excited about this! (More to come on that part later.)

Then... once the home study and our profiles are all completed, we will be ACTIVE!! That's when the basic groundwork has all been completed, and the true waiting begins...

Once active:

• Birthparents that fit our preferences (and who are looking for people like us as well) will be shown our profile
• At some point - could be a week after we're active, could be a year - birthparents will choose us to parent their child and we will get a call from a social worker that will change our lives. We will get to know the state of the birthparent(s) and as much as possible about the medical history of the baby, and of course... the due date! Our birthmom could be due to deliver two days after choosing us, or four months after choosing us. We will have to see!
• When our birthmom is in labor (or about to be), we'll be notified and we'll have to travel quickly to the state where she will be giving birth.
• Within a few days after the baby is born, we will anxiously wait for the birthmother to sign papers and when she does we can take custody of the baby!

Now... that's the process in a nutshell.  There are a lot of little things beyond what's on the list here and there are a LOT of uncertainties -- things we can't control and things we'll just have to pray that go right.  For instance, a birthmother could pick us but then change her mind either before delivering or after the baby is born but before signing papers... thoughts that are definitely scary and on our minds, of course. BUT, right now, we're just going to finish our requirements to become active and we'll deal with those uncertainties if/when we need to... for now, we're just darn excited and we know that someday, the greatest little blessing in the world will end up OURS.  And that's all that matters...

(This is Andy with our nephew Peyton.  He is going to be an AMAZING dad!!)

Work In Progress

Last week we were able to conference call with our adoptive family specialist, Kathie, from our placement agency.  Here we are as we were getting ready for the phone to ring. And notice that Kenai was right by us, too... Of course he had to be part of the process!

This last picture was just after we got off the 75-minute phone call with Kathie. We loved her! This process is not easy, so it's wonderful to work with great people. We got to talk about how things are going, and we went over the adoption planning questionnaire that I mentioned before. It was a really informative call, and we felt so good afterwards! Check one more thing off the 'to do' list...!

So where are we at otherwise? Well, we're at a stall in our home study. No worries... this is normal! And we were expecting it... there's not a lot we can do to move it along right now. We've filled out all the paperwork we need to, and I've gotten my physician clearance. Andy's will be next week. We have educational material that we're supposed to watch & read, but that isn't available right now as other families have it. We have a 4-hour meeting to go to, but they haven't set a date for it yet. We will be interviewing with our social worker and she'll have to come to our home to make sure we don't keep skeletons in our closets, etc, but that won't start until our FBI clearances come back -- which, by the way, can take 4 weeks, or it can take 8 weeks. Hard to predict, and impossible to push along. So we wait...

In the meantime, we're working on our profile for our placement agency.  This is probably the most important project, in my opinion!! It's what birthparents will see and how they will get to know us. It's the piece that will show them who we are, and help them to decide if we are the right people to raise their child. Talk about nervewracking!!  How do you let someone know in 500-700 words that you will be a good parent?  That they should trust you, and that you are worthy enough to be given the gift of their child? It's so hard to put all those thoughts into words, and so..... that's a work-in-progress. 

In addition to words -- we have to choose pictures. Now, wait... I know what you're thinking... PICTURES!?!?!?  This should be a breeze for someone who takes a gazillion photos, right?!?!  Uffda.... not exactly!!  We have to submit between 50-70 photos, and I would post the detailed list of what they want, but it's too long.  But trust me, it's specific. 8 photos of this, 8 photos of that, etc... Probably the worst part of it is I'm admittedly way toooooo picky. Given that these photos are going to be the FIRST thing that birthparents see of us, it's just not possible to be good enough. Seriously.

But we'll get there... with the words and the photos. We aren't going to look perfect, and we're not going to sound perfect, either. But I have a hard time believing most birthparents are looking for 'perfect,' and that makes me feel better... Now, if it's a real, and loving family they're looking for, then I think we'll be okay!

Jail & The FBI

Both our placement agency and our home study agency require clearances from the FBI and the Wisconsin Department of Justice before we're allowed to adopt... we had to go to the county jail and get fingerprinted!

Now, given our particular situation I actually found this to be quite fun -- but I hope I'll never have to experience it again under other circumstances! And I was thrilled that the deputy allowed us to take a few pictures... I doubt he gets that request very often, especially from someone giggling and smiling about getting it done, lol  :)  Despite the bad lighting, I'm glad to get to document the different steps we are going through.  We are definitely making our way! 

Now I just have to hope that the FBI clearances come through. This one time............................. well....  let's just wait and see if I have any explaining to do  ;)

Paperwork

The other thing we're getting really, really used to so far in this process is PAPERWORK.... whether it's an online form or something on traditional paper, one thing is for sure... There's a LOT!!  In case you're interested, here's a look at what we've had to do so far:

When we applied to our agency, there was an online form - this one was pretty basic, but that was just the beginning.

When we applied to the agency that is doing our homestudy, there was a big, big packet. Here we had to fill in information about who we are and what we do, how much money we make, how much money we owe, who our families are, where we work, our physical characteristics and health history, our education background, our residences since we were 18 years old (yes, every single one!), our employment history for the last ten years, and more. It was definitely a lot, and I'd say I spent about 4 hours on this one.

We worked on an online form for our placement agency called an APQ - Adoption Planning Questionnaire.  This was a massive document that not only required information about us personally, but this is also where we had to specify our preferences on all those decisions I mentioned in the last post. This took us several different sittings to get through -- I'd say 6+ hours if I had to guess. There was a particularly big section about our feelings on adoption, our feelings on infertility, our feelings about birthmothers, our expectations for the adoption process, etc.  It was actually a really nice way to get to talk about things together.

Once we turned in our application to our home study provider, they gave us another big chunk of paperwork.  We have to sign for credit checks, record checks and background checks , we have to have 5 people fill out forms that we're decent people and we're fit to be parents to a child, we have to have physicians do an exam and sign off on our health and ability to be parents, and then there's the 'Adoptive Parent Questionnaire.' This one is the big one...

I could try to tell you how big and intimidating this packet of questions is, but I don't really have the right words. I don't think it's meant to be scary, but trust me... it is. We each have our own packet to fill out, and this is one of the things we're working on right now. The purpose of this packet is for our home study provider to get to know us each as individuals, and also as a couple. There are pages and pages of essay questions about adoption, our childhood experiences, our parents and families growing up, our beliefs and feelings about life, what we feel a parent should be, how we feel about ourselves and each other, our likes and dislikes, our good and bad experiences, our talents and skills and our personalities, our history as a couple, the state of our marriage and how we handle things, and so, so many more... I can't wager a good guess as to how long this will take us to complete, but I know it will be many, many hours.

See?  I told you there was a lot...  and we know there will be more. One valuable piece of advice I was given from a mom who adopted last year was to 'enjoy the process,' and let me tell you -- I've repeated that to myself MANY times as I'm working on this massive stack of papers.  Enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy it....

The Basics

In the adoption process, there is no shortage of 'big decisions.' We decided we wanted to pursue an adoption, but.... then what?  Pretty much right away, we had to start making important choices...  What agency should we work with?  Should we do a domestic adoption? An international one? What age are we hoping for? Are we open to a child with special needs? Do we want to specify whether we want a boy or girl? And lots more...

These are all really personal decisions, and what's right for one family might not be the right fit for another... that said, we've made some decisions about what we feel is best for our adoption situation, and here are the basics:  We are pursuing a domestic adoption, which means the baby will be born in the United States. We are working with a national adoption agency out of Kansas for the placement, but the home study part of our process is being completed by an agency that is local to us. We are hoping to adopt a healthy newborn, and we are not specifying 'boy' or 'girl'.... we'll just wait and see what we get!

More to come!

Welcome!

Welcome to our blog!  We are planning to use this blog as a way to keep everyone updated on our progress through this incredible adoption journey... we will post photos, thoughts, and random tidbits about our experience with the adoption process, as well as updates of all sorts whenever we can.

In the short time that has passed since we shared our adoption plans with everyone, we have been overwhelmed with supportive and incredibly kind sentiments from our family and friends... Words cannot express just how much this has meant to us!  We appreciate every single prayer and positive thought that you've sent our way... we're going to need them!  There will be a lot of uncertainty in the road ahead, but one thing is for sure - We are so excited to be sharing this journey with all of you!