Adoption Stories

Since we began the adoption process, I've definitely been paying closer attention to adoption-related news. I get newsletters from our agencies and I read more articles, etc.

I am also much more sensitive to how adoption is portrayed in the popular media... For example, this week alone I saw adoption-related storylines on Private Practice, Parenthood, Glee, and Friends (reruns) - just to name a few. There are threads of reality weaved throughout the plots, but there were definitely some "Seriously? That would never happen!" thoughts running through my head as I watched some of them. (But it's okay, I know that prime-time television doesn't have an obligation to be realistic -- I mean, part of why we watch is because of the drama, the craziness, and the excitement that can only truly exist in the world of our televisions, right?)

I also hear more real-life stories than I've ever heard before. Many people share a story or two when I tell them I'm adopting... "Oh, a friend of mine..." or "Did you hear about those parents that sent that boy back?" or "I know someone who got pregnant as soon as they adopted." etc.  Many are good stories, but many are not... some make me feel good, and some... don't.

But this story, this is one of the good ones.  (Kelly is a photographer that I've followed for years who has recently shared her adoption story.)

Open or Closed?

One of the common questions that people ask us is if our adoption will be open or closed, so I thought I'd answer that here. First, I'll explain my understanding of the open/closed/semi-open scenarios (and I've sprinkled in some more photos that we included in our profile, since I can't post without pictures!)

In very simplistic terms, in a closed adoption birthparent(s) and adoptive parent(s) do not know or meet each other, and they don't know each others identities. Birthparents do not 'choose' the family, and there is no contact between birthparents and adoptive parents prior to or after the adoption happens.

In an open adoption, birthparents and adoptive parents know each others identities, and there is typically contact prior to the adoption, and then ongoing contact afterward (although this can vary extensively).

And then there is a semi-open adoption. In this case, there may be information shared between birthparents and adoptive parents, but not identifying information (no last names, addresses, etc). Birthparents usually choose who they want to be the adoptive parents (based on profiles, etc), so of course they usually see photos and read information about the family. Birthparents and adoptive parents may have contact with each other prior to the adoption -- they may even meet or talk on the phone -- and there may be some contact after the adoption as well, but this usually happens via the adoption agency (it's not usually direct).

So... which one for us?  Our adoption will be a semi-open adoption. 

We've put together our profile which will be shown to birthparents, and they will know our interests, our professions, and they will know we live in Wisconsin. Our last name and address will not be shared, nor any other specific identifying information. Once we are chosen, we will most likely be told the same type of information about our birthmother and birthfather (if possible).

Exactly how much contact we have with the birthparent(s) prior to the adoption will really depend on the wishes of our birthparents. We may get to speak to them on the phone, or even exhange emails (from a non-identifying email address). We may also meet the birthparents in person prior to the birth of the baby, if that is what they wish. If they do not really wish for these forms of contact, it isn't required, but we're told that birthparents typically welcome at least a little bit of contact prior to the adoption.

After the baby is born, Andy and I have willingly committed to send photos and a letter to the adoption agency twice a year until the child is 6, and then once a year after that until the child turns 18. The agency will make these photos and letters available to the birthparents, and they may view them if they wish. There is not usually any other ongoing contact between the families (although of course this varies too).

So that's the nutshell version... if you have any questions about it, please just ask us! 

Our Profile is Done!

Last week our adoption agency contacted us to let us know that they had finished putting together our profile!

Now, different agencies do things differently... At first, I assumed we'd have to put together a photo book or a powerpoint presentation that would be used as our profile and that would be shown to birthparents. However, with our particular agency, they choose to have a team that puts together all of the profiles for the families they work with. One of the reasons they do this is so that all of the families start on the same level, and families don't have to rely on their own technical skills (or lack thereof) for such an important part of the adoption process. Truthfully, I was relieved to hand the job over to them!

So, over the last few months we worked on all of the pieces (which we've written about in previous posts), submitted them to our agency, and we were so excited to see the finished product!

We have what they call a 'print profile' (what Andy is looking at), which is a 4-page brochure that will be shown to birthparents. There is also an 'online profile,' which includes everything the print profile includes but it also has a few more photos, another text section or two, and our complete list of favorites (only 5 or 6 favorites are listed on the print profile).

It feels so great to have this part done! It's one of the biggest tasks we've had to complete and it feels great to clear another hurdle.

NOW... our social worker should be working on finishing our home study document and hopefully within a few weeks that'll be done and we'll be active, and they'll start showing our profile to birthparents!! It's right around the corner!!!!!