Q: Where is the birthmother located?
A: Florida
Q: Have you met the birthmother?
A: We haven't met her in person, but we did get a chance to Skype with her! What a crazy thing! We sat in our dining room with a laptop on the table and got to have a virtual meeting with our birthmother while she sat at her apartment in Florida... What a neat part of the adoption experience! We spoke that first time for about half an hour, and I think that getting to see each other really helped establish our connection in a way that a phone call cannot...
Q: Will you have to travel to meet the birthmother before the baby is born?
A: We don't have any plans to travel to Florida until our birthmother is having the baby. Some birthmothers may request meeting in person after the match is made, but ours has not -- and since we did get to 'meet' via Skype, I think that was good enough for her.
Q: When will you be going to where the baby is? (Florida)
A: As soon as our birthmother goes into labor and is admitted to the hospital, they will call us and we will drop everything and get on the road (to the airport). They won't call us until they're certain it's "the real deal" (since we'll pay for flights and travel and they don't want us to do that until they're sure it's really going to happen). When that happens, we'll do everything in our power to get there as quickly as possible. Of course -- as we near the due date, if she is scheduled for a cesearean or to be induced, etc, they'll let us know that and we'll have a better idea of when we need to travel in order to get there in time -- but mostly, it depends on the baby and when he's ready to get here.
Q: Do you know a lot about the birthmother?
A: We're so lucky to have gotten a chance to talk to our birthmother. A few weeks after the first Skype meeting, I was able to also speak with her on the phone for an hour. I don't feel like we know a lot about her at this point -- we've spoken for about 90 minutes total, and some of the time she was asking US questions -- but we are really grateful for what we've had. Not all adoptive families get to talk to their birthparents and we look at it as a huge blessing that we get to! We know some medical history and some background info about her, and her age and life situation, etc. We know that she is very, very sweet, and she says "ya'll" when she refers to us. It's fabulous :)
Q: When will the baby be yours?
A: That differs by state, but in Florida the birthmother can sign the papers 48 hours after the baby is born, or as soon as 24 hours after the birth if she's being discharged from the hospital. So... as soon as she signs the papers, the baby is ours. Exactly when that will happen we don't know for sure, but it will not be any sooner than at least 24 hours after the baby is born. Then, once she gives consent, she cannot revoke it per Florida law (unless she can prove she was forced, etc).
Q: What type of guarantee do you have that she will give you her baby?
A: Absolutely none. We can only hope/pray... Prior to choosing us, our birthmother received counseling from the agency and they typically do not let birthparents select an adoptive family unless they are reasonably confident that the birthmother truly plans to pursue an adoption plan. There are many factors in our birthmother's life that led her to believe adoption was the right choice for herself and for the baby, and she has expressed to me specifically that she knows in her heart it's the right thing. When it comes down to it though, we have no guarantee and we will not know for sure until it comes time to sign the papers. Our agency has told us that about 1 out of every 5 matches disrupts at some point (so 4 out of 5 matches go through just fine... that's how we're looking at it).
Q: What happens if she doesn't give you the baby?
A: Well... then we'll be heartbroken, and we'll come home. We know going into this that we may go to Florida, we may meet the baby and spend time with him, and we still may end up flying home without him. If that happens, we'll be doing our best to believe that everything happens for a reason. And we'll need some hugs.
Q: Do you come back to Wisconsin right away after the baby is born?
A: No. After the initial paperwork is signed, the baby is in our custody but we are not allowed to leave the state of Florida yet... there will be more paperwork (for both the state of Florida and the state of Wisconsin) and then approximately 7-10 business days later, we'll get a call that says we are cleared to leave the state. So, we're expecting to be in Florida for around 2 weeks, but we don't have any way of predicting exactly how long.
Q: Will you have ongoing contact with the birthmother after the baby is born?
A: I don't believe so... we will be sending photos and letters a couple times a year to the agency, but I don't know if there will be any other contact. The reason I'm not sure is that sometimes adoptive families and birthparents decide together to keep in contact (even though it isn't expected in a semi-open adoption) -- and I don't know if that will happen in our case. It'll depend a lot on our birthmother and how she's feeling after the baby is born. So we'll see...
Q: What safeguards you from her coming back months or years later asking for him back?
A: I hope with all my heart that our birthmother is comfortable and at peace with her decision. If she were to decide later that she wants him back, that's just not possible under the law as long as the adoption is legit and everything happens 100% legally. Literature that I've read suggests that that type of situation is pretty rare -- although of course it has happened. But, so long as our agency follows correct legal procedure and the adoption is finalized properly in court, we shouldn't have to worry about that. They tell us the best thing we can do is send the pictures and letters we've promised and that can be a big help in her being more comfortable with her decision.
Q: Do you know what you're naming the baby?
A: We do... and if you see me in person, I'm happy to share. Otherwise, that one will stay a secret for now. :)
So.... I'm so glad you asked some questions!! Please do not hesitate to ask Andy or myself anything... we're happy to share our perspective. We could not get through this without the love and support of our friends and family, so THANK YOU!!
xoxo
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